An exercise...really?

Guess who's guess who's guess who's BACK? Yes, ladies and germs, it's The Sexy Moderate. Sorry to stay away so long. But life is funny that way, wouldn't you agree?

I got pretty jazzed about revisiting my old blog. When I looked back on some of the posts I wrote I got more excited about coming back with some real focussssss to this "exercise". I had to read the header to actually remember why I started this blog in the first place--oh yeah--it was an exercise in discipline...to write five days a week.

Did I really say five days a week. It's a good thing I didn't say eight. But, looking at the abysmal failing of this goal, I am able to see more deeply into myself. I had a really strong start and got progressively worse. It's embarrassing to say I did not meet said goal or even come close. My interest and commitment faltered and it leaves me to wonder, "Is this an indication of the true me?"

The optimistic me believes that it is not the true me and that I had a myriad of reasons why i couldn't continue with the exercise or project. The pessimistic me says, "Oh you knew it would be like this, as it's like many things in your life--a huge start and then a weepy stop." Or is that the realistic me?

So which side is right or wrong? I should believe in myself in spite of my shortcomings. At least I think so. I should not delude myself with untruths and false meanderings. At least I know so. However, t gets more difficult every moment to determine what is the lie and what is the T R U T H .

I know I had reasons (oh so many reasons) for giving up the blog. I think if I were the more determined kind of person--deep deep inside--I would have found a way to get it done. I feel lazy and lackluster for failing. I feel like a fraud for breaking a promise to myself and you. But I feel real too. Human and relate-able.

Don't we all have this "quality"? Does it make us less than perfect or more than ridiculous to consider from where it comes and if it means anything at all? I don't have all the answers. I'm finding new discoveries about myself and other people every day. But I'll tell you, I'm not wracking my brain over these dilemmas. No. I give my mind time to digest the conundrum, to immerse the dilemma and regurgitate the answers as they occur. Never in a hurry to get to the end, I take things in moderation...and I hope, I truly do, that you will too.