have a little fun ok

Seriously. When it comes to relationships it's best not to take them or yourself too seriously. If it's not fun, or the person you're with isn't fun anymore (or never was) then you should adjust and move on to greener pastures as it were.

I have a lot of friends and it's been fun to watch their relationship escapades over the years--mine included. More often than not, the girls tended to go too far for a boy that was less interested in her than he was in her getting to know his little friend. The guys tended to wait too long to tell the girl how much he really wanted her and lost what could have been to what was definitely happening.

The point is this: we stay too long in relationships that aren't working.

One time, my friend went to see the guy she was dating and there was another woman at his place. So she sat there with the two of them waiting for the other to leave. When he got tired he said he was going to bed and told my friend she should go home. In your face. Whoosh. She thought she was this guy's girlfriend. Is that a delusion of grandeur?

Good grief. Does it have to be so hard? If humans were really the superior species wouldn't we have some sort of built in mechanism that rejects people with whom we can't be serious? Wishful thinking perhaps because to my knowledge there's very little physically that keeps two people apart. In fact we all possess the same types of pheromones that attract us to one another. Instead our heads and maybe our hearts determine how much we like someone and are willing to commit to them. But sexually speaking, there's no barrier whatsoever to getting busy. Now that's flawed if you ask me.

It's flawed because we [humans] have designed marriage and we all know you can have marriage without sex and sex without marriage. Marriage is two things: a legal contract that demands fidelity and a contract with God that says you will forsake all others. Either way you're limited once you've made your choice, but the part that gets me is that it has nothing to do with sex and procreation with your chosen partner. Wouldn't that ultimately be the point of marriage--to create more lives?Then we designed divorce to repeal those contracts. Sorry to God and sorry to nature.

In nature many creatures stay true to their mate for life; Blue Jays are such a species. The female chooses one male from a group of suitors and they fly away to be together. How does she know? She just knows. Then the male brings her food and twigs to make a home for the babies that will be coming. There's a higher power at work which insures perpetuation of the bond. Humans do this too but there's nothing internal, save for the mental anguish of leaving one's mate or the fear of a messy divorce that keeps a person that faithful. Not even love!

So is it love that keeps the birds together or the basic knowledge that they have fulfilled their destiny? With humans, temptation and desires delude us into believing there's more to be had and done; often in spite of contracts we've made with one another. Our destiny is ever evolving. Love is the excuse we use in either situation--going towards someone initially as well as leaving to go toward something or someone else i.e., I fell out of love or we couldn't help it, we fell in love.

People, maybe scientists, will say because those birds are well, bird brained, they don't have the capacity to discern love, and they only act via instinct. I ask, if humans are truly superior, shouldn't we be designed to run on an even higher order of this? But no, instead we're stricken, with a sickness, of over complicating relationships and thinking delusionally: that we can get away with having it all.

No one and nothing gets to have it all. The little Blue Jay understands this and lives satisfyingly because of it, simply stated. Relationships take time to develop into something and or fizzle to nothing. The case for marriage is overblown, but the case for divorce is abused and many people make both choices unwittingly I might add. Life is distracting. If you can remove some of the distractions, marriage might have a shot. In my own life, I've seen it work as my parents were married for 54 years. Arguments happen and breakdowns occur but if you can take those lumps and not fall apart then just maybe you can get somewhere on the timeline.

I know a girl waiting on a guy to marry her. There's a running joke about how he's actually too old to be called her boyfriend anymore. There's this intense pressure to make that happen and this man should no sooner be married than he should be president; it would just be funny. Too many women know this man and although he's a good candidate for change, the likelihood of any change occurring is next to none. I know another man that is married and yet always on the prowl. What was the point of the marriage? Why are people running headlong into this life choice that has nothing to do (at least legally) with life? Could it be these days nobody likes suffering... unless it's with someone by their side?

I'm just saying have as much fun as you need to before you make that decision because marriage is sacred and legally binding and in my view should be about making babies or raising them (adoption). Most people know this to be fundamentally true, even Tiger Woods married his wife then got her pregnant a couple times. It's just that he couldn't stop having sex with all those other women. Humans can take a clue from the blue birds and other species that mate for life...they only do it when they're ready.

Signing off,

The Sexy Moderate