The Last Rotary Phone

My friend Frank is a true Renaissance man. He wears interesting facial hair, plays a gazillion odd instruments, reads a lot (or at least has an extensive library), paints, prepares gourmet level meals, knows his Bordeaux from his Chianti and owns the world's last rotary phone.

It's olive or avocado green and he uses it as his landline. Yes it works. Stay with me kids, I know some of you are wondering, but yes, he does own a cell phone. He's not rebelling, he's just practical.

When I go to his home, I don't feel as if he's in the dark ages or I'm in a time warp if that's what you think. I feel comforted that he owns something that reminds me of a time gone by and that something is still useful. I've always been a function over form girl. In fact when flip phones came out and everyone had to have it, I kept my old phone and put Swarovski crystals all over it--so what it wasn't a flip--it was beautiful.

The first time my son visited Frank he pointed to the avocado vestige and said plain as day, "What's that?", and that's when it occurred to me, to us, that we had on our hands a prime example of the generation of "Didn't Knows" and that we were the last of generations that did know.

The Didn't Knows are kids born in the 90's, especially the latter half. There are a lot of things that they just don't know, haven't seen and are insignificant to them. They are the Internet kids. They've never known life without it and now they are a victim to the perils that come with not knowing and understanding how previous generations will pray upon them for their ignorance.

Once upon a time, you could go to a party, drink a beer or smoke a joint and no one would be the wiser when you made it back home, passed out in your bed and went to school the next day. Today's children must suffer the snitch who takes out their camera phone, uploads the picture of you slamming one down and there you are in the Principal's office of your high school, parents in tow, being expelled for violation of the Zero Tolerance policy.

These children were bamboozled into thinking the Internet was their friend. They were never reluctant about diving into the deep end because it was so welcoming--at first. It was social and a new way to make new friends and stay connected to old ones. But somehow it became a treacherous place filled with haters of every variety and the spying eye of Big Brother watching and scrutinizing and worse, judging your every move.

Gone are the halcyon days of having a life outside of your place of employment. The Didn't Knows are so entwined in Web culture they will never know the compartmentalization of school, home and work. It's a shame too because each area was viewed t be its own sacred time. Now kids leave work on Friday, post pics of their weekend activities and instead of your co-workers asking you how was your weekend and what did you do, they comment under your photo or your status update and retweet to your boss that you are hungover and not going to work.

The Didn't Knows just don't know that they are a victim of the worst invasion of privacy to overtake the world. It's not quite Orwellian; it's not dreary that way. But it is a bit Blade Runner, as in the future is here and it's out of your control.

I wish the Didn't Knows just knew a bit of what it was like to make it all the way home thinking you got away with something only to have your Mom at the door waiting for you with a down turned lip. You thought she was amazing and magical and your respect for her grew enormously. I want the Didn't Knows to know that people used to get beat up for "putting people business out on the street" and that loose lips sink ships. I want them to know that there is virtue in maintaining mystery and that because your camera phones makes movies you are not automatically a star of porn or otherwise.

A lot of people think the Internet is a place to voice one's opinions and sound off on matters, ergo a lot of venom gets spewed in the name of Free Speech on the Internet. But I think it's appalling how people say things in this impersonal framework that they wouldn't dare say to a person's face. The Internet breeds a certain cowardice disguised as false bravado. If anything, because of the impersonal nature of the Web, you need to practice even greater manners. I want the Didn't Knows to believe in text and Internet etiquette. Even if it's not my etiquette or the Post etiquette but to establish one for themselves and work it to the fullest. Right now, it's hard to say but I see no sign of etiquette - it's anything goes.

Sex tapes, plastic surgery, $, music, kicks and clothes. It seems that's all that's going on in the minds of the Didn't Knows. Too young to care and not old enough to know, they get incinerated in this post-modern limbo.

I can offer these few words in hopes that the Didn't Knows get the point:
Privacy is anything that you want to keep to yourself and a great rule of thumb is if you wouldn't want your mom or dad standing there with you while you're doing it, don't allow a camera to be there either. Think of the camera as your mom or dad. Think of Twitter and Face Book as your mom and dad. I know they want you think of them as young fun-loving adults, but they are spies for your parents, your boss, your boyfriends and girlfriends, etcetera. If you want to maintain your privacy (and you should) you've got to start re-imagining these sites as what they truly are and not what they want you to believe. Am I saying they are sinister or were intended to hurt you? No I am not. What I want you to know is that our families, our bosses, our lovers and coworkers in their quests to be seen and liked, in their plays for attention and recognition have turned these innocuous sites into a weapon and they and others are using it against YOU. If you don't protect yourself, you will have no one to blame but yourself.

Who's watching you? Colleges & universities you want to attend in the future, your teachers and principles now, current and potential employers, inmates, killers and pedophiles, jealousy obsessed folks, in general, freaky motherf'ers. I'm looking too and I'm all smh...so practice restraint in what you choose to share because the choice is still yours and you already know what I believe--Moderation = Sexy!